So long lonesome...

I am a very social person in general. I make friends very easily and have lots in many places. I like it that way and it has always been a way of life for me. Make friends and not lose the ones i value the most. One way or the other it has worked out very nice all these years. I fill my weekends with coffee, beer, pizza, games, bar-otsarkes and all kinds of activities with them. It was a happy little arrangement until year 2007.

I am sure it was a great year for many many people and lots of great things were accomplished. For me it started with my father passing away at age 56 after a 3 year long "battle" with cancer. It continued with one of my workers getting into a serious accident at work and needing surgery. It topped out with the forest fires that burnt almost everything i had in my factory and continued with the national power company owing me about 100k € which they gave 4 months after they where supposed to. I had union problems, workers refusing to work, people coming after me for unbalanced checks, a "girlfriend" that made my mind a junkyard and generally a really bad situation.

So In all that confusion and madness my head was not in its right place. I often thought of crashing my car to wake up five years later when everything would be ok! Thankfully i didn't. I managed to get myself together. I made an island for myself to survive. And i did. I managed to turn everything around in 2008 and brought many changes in my life. My social life returned to normal, i continued working with no problems and finally saw the future clear ahead of me.

There was though one thing that left a small scar in me. Many times during that harsh period i found myself wanting to talk to someone but in my mind no one was around. I wanted to curl up in someones arms and just sit there telling him everything i was holding inside. But that person wasn't one of my many friends, who all stood by me during those days by the way. It wasn't one of my sisters. It wasn't my mother nor any other relative. It was something i had chosen to put aside for a very very long time.

I found myself needing a partner. Someone that my heart would have in a different place than everyone else. Someone that would listen to me, comfort me, cheer me up, make me feel special or just simply smile as i talked my heart out. It was the only thing that i couldn't stop from entering my island and rooting in the middle of it so i could see it every day. So every time i looked at it i felt alone even though i wasn't.

Anyway when i left the island and resumed my life i had taken a seed of that tree with me. I didn't know i had it with me until recently. I found myself wanting to share two very small unimportant things of my life with some one and i couldn't find anyone around to share them with. One was a dedication a singer made to me and some friends and the other was me winning a small tournament of Magic The Gathering. I remembered that tree in the middle of the island and i found no satisfaction in those things.

And i asked myself what is worse. Having no one in the world to share even the most trivial aspects of your life or having everyone and not wanting to share?

:)

Explosions in the sky - "So long, lonesome" from the album "All of a sudden i miss everyone"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jotDBl1vilg